I am taking this week and next off work because I seriously needed a break from the grind. It became clear as I intentionally slacked off (by taking my time replying to patient emails and returning calls) that I was nearing the point of burning out. In healthcare that can lead to dangerous mistakes and serious consequences. So with more than enough PTO banked up and one month's notice, I was approved to check out for the last 2 weeks of the year.
I confess to reading my work emails form home because if I didn't I would return in January to about 200 unread messages (damn you daily listserv communications!) and a I did log into to our patient care program to see if any cancer patients had kooky questions (a recent curveball: "Someone told me to drink aloe juice, honey and rum everyday to keep the cancer from spreading") or if tube fed patients were not tolerating their formula, etc.
Now it seems I've traded one set of tasks and deadlines (clocking in, seeing patients, attending meetings, etc) with another (today it was buying the last couple of gifts for family, wrapping the pile that has amassed this holiday season, dusting, unloading the dishwasher, washing the two counters-worth of used dishes, cleaning the bathroom, hanging up my clothes from earlier this week, finding time to exercise, make dinner, prepare a salad for 42 friggin people on Christmas, and on and on)...
What I DIDN'T need was cleaning up red wine/pizza/salad/taquito barf last night (which was not mine). Or a speeding ticket (51 in a 35). Or wrapping my car around a parking garage column. (Insert every bad word you can think of and you've echoed my sentiments exactly).
So now I confess to *desperately* needing a time out. I am forcing myself to sit quietly and do nothing but close my eyes breathe at regular intervals throughout the day. I am giving myself permission to be flawed and to not have everything done perfectly. And most of all, I am reminding myself that Christmastime is about family, hope, and love. Here's a perfect example of that, courtesy of my 4 year old cousin:
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